Return to Blogging

Whew!  I am out of practice of this blogging thing. I could barely remember my password!  No worries-I’ll get you up to speed on everything I did while I was abandoning my little blog here.  It won’t take long because I wasn’t doing anything terribly exciting.  Plus I only have a few followers besides my mom and she already knows what I did all summer!  Speaking of…. Hey Mom, how’s it going?  ;)

So, I put in my resignation at work, finished my job, organized all my materials to pass on to the new girl (no need for her to stress and struggle like I did!), bought our new house, fixed it up (paint, trim, lighting, etc.), went to Kings Island, lost my driver’s license, finished our renovations on our first house so it would be nice for the new renters, gave up looking and bought a new drivers license, moved two and half hours away, unpacked, organized, went camping in Tennessee, got a new job, searched forever for my social security card so I could fill out the paper work and get on the payroll at the new job, and then got a second job…more or less in that order.  All the while trying to train for cross country running give or take about 4 miles a day with one 10-miler thrown in there.

I did all that just to get to this day: The First Day of Classes!!! 

I’m a total nerd that way.  I wore a new outfit, packed my lunch, had my new books and pencils.  I was very excited.  Then my first professor was 8 minutes late!  Way to leave a girl hanging… He made up for it though-he was a very interesting guy (albeit with some Hippie tendancies).  I gather he’s not much for expensive watches that tell him where to be at what time.  Fine with me-I run late all the time.  Then I walked downstairs for my second class, and that teacher was 10 minutes late!!!  That’s okay-laidback professor #2 seems equally as nice although a bit more modern.  My third class started only 2 minutes late, and that professor was Italian.  Foreign accents make almost everything better-hopefully 13th century and prior art history included.  My fourth class was a major upgrade in terms of professionalism.  He had his stuff together not to mention the supply list was created with colored photographs which was terrific for visual learners/nervous shoppers like me… is this the kind of notebook he wanted us to get?? When the professor for my last class walked in, my first impression was that she might practice Wiccan or some type of witchcraft.  After she spoke a while, I decided she must be more like a weekend biker babe.  Either way, this adjunct professor has long black hair and tattoos and says she is “in between day jobs” at the moment and admits that she “likes to tell stories” [that may or may not be totally wasting her hungry students' time].  She seems like a nice lady nonetheless. 

And I had a wonderful day.  And I’m glad to back blogging about all the little details of the day.  My hippie professor said (quoting Anais Nin) that journaling allows you to “taste life twice” and I did enjoy my day (and my summer) all over again when writing it down just now.

Much love ~ Amber

A Big Leap

2012 is passing by in a whirlwind for sure. Sometimes the world is spinning too fast for me, and I feel so overwhelmed. On more than one occasion, I’ve found myself whispering under my breath, “If one more person asks me to do one more thing, I am going to flip out.”

Doing so much work in other areas of my life, I’ve practically abandoned my blog, but I had a big week so I had to squeeze in a few minutes to make an update.

On Tuesday, February 28, 2012, I quit my job.

Actually, I submitted my intent to resign effective at the end of my contract which is in about three months.

Taking this big step was conflicting. The relief that this stressful era of my life is about to end is a treasure. The excitement of a new saga beginning fills me with happiness. On the other hand, I feel this uneasiness that people might whisper behind my back misunderstanding my decision. I do feel that pinch of guilt of quitting a secure job while so many are unemployed.

However, I have to keep myself grounded with the knowledge that I am grateful for my opportunity in this profession because I learned a lot about myself and about life, and that making this big leap out of that profession is a necessary step toward having more satisfaction in my life.

It’s time to jump

Run. Jump. Fling your arms open wide like beautiful majestic wings.  Point your toes and arch your back.  With eyes closed, take a deep breath. Feel cool air brush by your face.  Exhale, open your eyes, and see a perfect sky with rays of sun cascading all around.

That’s the uplifting visualization I try to give myself like a positive affirmation that I can achieve whatever dreams I have.  But up until now, I’ve just felt I was about to run straight off the cliff and plummet frantically to my tragic demise, so I would just stutterstep and teeter on the edge in fear instead, never making the leap.  

I’m a planner, a controller, a safety-oriented, straight-laced, serious-minded gal.  I tend to pick a path, never veer left or right, never take a pit stop.  That method brought me success on several levels, but my no-u-turns-allowed strategy also led me through four years of a job I just very nearly completely hate.  I picked my major, disliked all of my classes and field experiences, but never reconsidered because I was on the fast track to graduation and always believed it would get better.  It didn’t, and it won’t. 

I’ve been trying to quit my job ever since I started it.  I cry quite regularly on Sundays and at the end of long vacations.  Yet, any moves to improve my condition or steps toward actually quitting have been insignificant, unsubstantial.  Why?  Why am I stalling here?  Stutter stepping before I can get my feet off the ground?  Do I lack confidence in myself?  Am I just subconsciously self-sabotaging due to fear?  Maybe I would feel like a failure to abandon my previous ambitions?

This line of questioning is seeming a bit silly.  Certainly, circling my mind in some kind of amateur psychoanalysis isn’t getting me anywhere.  Let’s adopt a new attitude:  Go for it.  Try something.  Stop agonizing about what went wrong before and how it might go wrong again.  Let’s make an effort for the future.  I can keep sitting here feeling miserable, or I can run and jump and maybe get out of this mess.

What about you?  Is it time for you to jump?  I think it is definitley time–time to jump into something new or at the very least time to jump out of something old.  :) 

I can’t predict the outcome, but come grab my hand–let’s jump together… 

 <3 Amber